People and Processes.
When you separate, it can all be overwhelming, so what sort of support is out there? Here are the people who might be useful when you are building your support network.
Counsellors
Counsellors support individuals or couples by helping them talk about their feelings, relationships, and challenges. The aim is to help people understand and cope with their situations. Counsellors will be trained and accredited by a professional organisation.
Coaches
Coaching focuses on helping individuals to set and achieve goals in the future. A coach provides guidance, support, and strategies to help someone navigate their challenges, including those related to family or relationships.
Therapists
Therapy is a treatment process where individuals work with a trained professional to address emotional and psychological issues. It often involves talking through feelings and experiences to improve mental health and well-being.
Financial advisors
Independent financial advisors can help you put together a budget, look at what you are likely to need to meet your outgoings in the future and advise on how assets can be shared most cost-effectively. Some are specialists in pensions and can tell you how much income you are likely to receive when you retire – and which pension funds can be shared most effectively.
Independent social workers
Independent social workers can help parents who are struggling to parent well. They can help couples understand how their children may be feeling and put together strategies that will improve communication and support their well-being. They are often asked to give recommendations about arrangements for the children to help guide decisions.
Parenting consultants
Parenting consultants are trained to help couples communicate better about what their children want and need following a separation. They can also work with couples to develop a parenting plan that best meets the needs of their children.
Processes are the ways that can be used to resolve issues when you separate. The most common are mediation, the Collaborative Process, negotiation and litigation. Here is how they work.
Mediation
Mediation is a process where a neutral third party, called a mediator, helps couples discuss and resolve their disputes in a safe environment. The mediator doesn’t make decisions for them but guides the conversation to find a mutually acceptable solution. That solution is confidential and is not legally binding, so you will usually need a legal document of some kind to record the agreement.
Negotiation
Negotiation is a discussion between parties either directly or through their lawyers and is aimed at reaching an agreement. It involves talking through issues and finding a solution that works for everyone, often without the need for formal proceedings. It is important to stay focused on the issues that need to be resolved and to make sure that progress is being made. The lack of a formal structure can mean that discussions drift unless everyone is careful to agree on an agenda and follow up on the discussions. When lawyers are paid an hourly rate, this can be expensive if the negotiations take place through emails or letters, rather than in meetings. Again, agreements may not be legally binding, and additional documents may be needed.
Collaborative Practice
Collaborative practice involves both partners instructing their own lawyers, but instead of going to court, they agree to work together in meetings to resolve their issues. This approach focuses on cooperation and open communication to find solutions. Support from other professionals can be built into the process so the parties benefit from the expertise of family consultants (who focus on the dynamics and communication of the couple) financial advisors, independent social workers and anyone else who may be helpful to the discussions. It is only once an agreement has been reached about the needs of the parties that the lawyers prepare the necessary legal documentation.
Arbitration
Arbitration is when the parties enter into a contract with an independent and neutral person, known as an arbitrator. The arbitrator listens to both sides of a dispute, assesses the relevant information and makes a binding decision. Unlike mediation, the arbitrator’s decision is final and must be followed by both parties. The process can be adapted to deal with a single issue or everything and it can follow the way a court would deal with an application or be tailored to meet the parties needs. If a court order is also needed, there is a streamlined process for approval of decisions. The parties are in control of the process and who they instruct to make the decisions for them.
Litigation
Litigation is the process of taking a dispute to court. It involves legal proceedings where a judge makes decisions on the case after all of the relevant information has been provided by the parties and any experts who are instructed. This will usually be more adversarial and formal than other methods of resolving disputes. There is no control over the timescales nor the judge who eventually makes the decision.