Help! I need a divorce, but I don’t know what to do
This is the most common question I am asked – what do I do now?
Lawyers are so used to dealing with people who are separating, they sometimes forget that their clients have never done this before.
So, the first thing to say is that a divorce will only deal with the legal relationship i.e. the marriage. It doesn’t cover any of the practical issues such as how to make sure the children’s arrangements are right, or how either person is going to manage financially. See the separate blogs for information about these.
The divorce itself is a fairly straightforward process. One or both people create an account on the Gov.UK divorce portal. (Make sure it is the Gov.UK website and not one of the companies offering to do a divorce for you. They cannot add any value to what you need to do and will charge you for the privilege of completing forms you can do yourself.)
You will be asked to confirm the marriage is at an end and that you want a divorce. You also need to be able to upload a picture of your marriage certificate (showing all four corners of it). You may also need to upload a certified translation if the information on the certificate does not include the details in English. You will also need to pay the court fee (if you do not have a lot of money, you can apply for a fee exemption or remission).
If you are making an application on your own, the court service sends out a copy of the information provided to your spouse. This is so that they can confirm their details and allow the divorce to go ahead.
There has been a big change in the law in the last few years and there is no longer any need to explain why the marriage has ended. The process is now “no fault”. It was changed because it is important for people to understand that blame has no place in the discussions about finances and children’s arrangements. Blaming the other person for the breakdown of the relationship makes it harder to talk about those issues and work together to reach agreements, which are usually a compromise for both.
Once the application has been made, there is a waiting period of 20 weeks before you can apply for the conditional order. This used to be called a decree nisi. The conditional order is the first part of the divorce and you need to apply for the final order after another 6 weeks.
The idea of the delay is to give people time to make sure they really do want or need the divorce. It is also intended to give you time to work out what needs to happen about children and financial arrangements. This is the time to make sure you understand your family finances and start to plan for the future. Have a look at the blog about family finances for more information about how that is done.
Once the practical arrangements have been agreed and any legal documents are drawn up, you can apply for the final order in the divorce. It is only when you have the final order that you are legally divorced and the marriage is at an end. Make sure that you follow up on any financial arrangements that have been agreed or ordered.
Also, make sure that you have a Will drawn up so that it reflects your newly single status (even if you still want to make provision for your ex).